Have you ever faced embarrassment when you haven't been able to climax?
Have you ever been subjected to ridicule because you thought you couldn't climax at all? Individuals have a lot of misconceptions regarding the big O. Even as you are flooded with a lot of misinformation, we will try to bust a few of those myths that disturb you every time you think of hitting the sack.
Myth # 1: An orgasm is always an earth shattering experience and there is something wrong if a woman is unable to experience it
Consultant Purvi Sharma felt depressed every time she had sex with her husband. Newly married, she came away feeling dissatisfied and couldn't speak of her feelings to her husband. "I kept feeling that this wasn't the way my friends described their sex encounters. Why didn't I feel like this is it, this is what I was looking out for. And to top it all I wasn't even feeling so great as I had heard others telling me," she discloses.
Fact: Some women have orgasms and don't know it. Gyanacologist Dr. Seema Pandit explains, "Every individual body has a different way of functioning. Different women reach climax in various ways. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. However, they do experience a peak of arousal after which they feel relaxed or contented, the same feelings others experience after experience after an orgasm." According to Pandit, women who get aroused and do not experience orgasm will sometime feel nervous or edgy or even a certain kind of discomfort in their pelvis.
Beat It: Practice taking deep breaths. The key is to relax and enjoy the process than focusing on whether you have reached climax or not. Too much focus will inevitably lead to a lot of frustration and a sense of stress every time you think you haven't climaxed.
Myth# 2: Men do not have G spots
Graphic designer, Shaurya Kumar was under the same myth like others of his group. "I was always under the belief that men do not have G spots. But only after I explored with my partner I realised that all that is humbug. Actually, the body has a number of G spots and it is only for you to find out what you can do with them," says Kumar.
Fact: Every person has certain G spots in their body. However the problem arises because people are not aware of it. Psychologist Mukesh Tiwari reveals, " Men during intercourse climax easily. But rarely do they realise that there is that G spot which can give them immense pleasure. Couples tend to lose interest in sex after some time, because they get tired of the routine. On the other hand, there are some who take the effort to learn their likes and dislikes. G Spots for men exist on their inner thighs and buttocks. So the more one concentrates on these regions, the more is the stimulation."
Beat It: Tell your partner about the particular kind of stroke that will give you maximum stimulation. Learn about the various ways the penis can be stroked and share this with your partner.
Myth # 3: Inability to reach orgasm means a woman is "frigid" or that there is something seriously wrong with her or her relationship.
Housewife, Vandana Rai confesses that she never felt aroused enough to have a proper climax at the beginning of her marriage. "I wasn't aroused and never felt like having sex. To the point where I began to feel that something was terribly wrong in our relationship. It was only when we sought counseling that most of my fears about sex melt away and I began to feel more normal."
Fact: Pandit suggests that women who were able to have orgasms in the past but can no longer experience it may be suffering from a medical problem or a side effect. "There are women who have never had an orgasm. Again there are those who don't climax because of certain pills, medication they might be taking. In such cases, it is best not to get anxious about the situation. Or wonder whether something is seriously wrong with you or not. Just take the initiative and go and show yourself to a doctor. Professional help will actually ease the situation and give you an insight into what may be actually going wrong."
There are those women too who have never experienced a proper orgasm. For them, Pandit believes, should indulge more into foreplay and oral stimulation and try to reach an orgasm. If that doesn't help, seek counseling which will do away with a lot of inhibitions that clog the mind.
Beat It: Never take undue stress. Communicate your feelings to your partner. Share your anxieties with the one closest to you. Take advise but do not take unwanted suggestions by your peer group. If you are feeling confused, isolated or traumatised then as advised seek professional help.
Myth # 4: "
Richa Rai, a call centre executive recalls, "Most of my friends had told me that climaxing could only take place during sexual intercourse. So obviously I ended up expecting the same with my partner. But I soon realised that it did not work for me. I achieved maximum arousal by oral stimulation. At first I thought I was the odd one out but I decided to be comfortable in my shoes, because there wasn't any harm in the way I was feeling."
Fact: According to psychologist Dr Sudir Kalra, "Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation of female sexuality."
He explains, "In the past, people thought that "mature" women had their orgasms with intercourse; you will sometimes run across an older book that has this view. However, laboratory studies in the 1960's showed that an orgasm is an orgasm no matter which way you obtain it. How a woman reaches an orgasm has nothing to do with her mental health or emotional maturity."
Beat It: If you or your partner are doing something pleasurable, encourage your mate to continue. Enjoy and feel comfortable with your sexuality. Don't put yourself down. It will only make things more difficult for you. Your current inability to have an orgasm is not a reflection of your femininity, your psychological or emotional health.
Myth # 5: If a woman cannot reach orgasm, then her partner is not a skillful lover.
Sheetal Ahuja, a primary school teacher reveals her trauma when she was in doubt of her partner. "I did not climax even after we tried a lot of ways. So I ended up with a huge fight with my partner accusing him of not doing enough. The real reason was that I was angry with myself and quite confused. I didn't know what to do or who to ask about it out of sheer embarrassment. So I accused him of all sorts of things."
Fact: Kalra says, "Getting it right in the act takes a lot of practice and patience. Couples will never get it right at the first go. And it is only through experimenting, being open to learning new techniques in the bed and enjoying the act completely will help you discover each others bodies and pleasure points. While there are many ways a loving partner can help a woman reach orgasm, in the end, a woman is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. That does not mean her partner should not be involved. Communication between partners is very important. It is up to the woman to inform her partner her likes and dislikes in their love making."
Beat it: Try to fantasise. Some women have trouble concentrating during sex. If that is the case, you may wish to fantasise, i.e., thinking about something sexual may excite you and may reduce negative emotions. If you feel that you are very close to achieving an orgasm, alternate tightening and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. This may sometimes trigger a real orgasm.
Myth # 6: Ejaculation means reaching climax
Aakash Shah, a sales executive explains, "I always thought that I had hit peak when I ejaculated. But my body felt strangely unsatisfied even then. I was exhausted and all that but I wanted to try out other things. After some time I began to ejaculate even without complete arousal. That's when I decided to explore my body and found out amazing things about it."
Fact: Dr Manish Trivedi, urologist Anshuman hospital, explains, "Commonly, it is believed that an orgasm in men happens when they ejaculate. But the truth cannot be far from it. Ejaculation in men is necessary for fertilisation. However men can experience an orgasm without ejaculating. While some men experience orgasmic arousal from all over their body, some get the thrill located at their genital area. The muscles between the perinea region push the seminal fluid along the penile urethra. That's when there is maximum arousal. However, most men sleep off immediately after they have had their first orgasm.
Beat It: If you are those adventurous kinds then try to experiment in bed. Be curious to know about your body. Ask your partner to explore the erogenous areas in your body and speak about your pleasures to her. If there is a certain kind of ambience that helps you get aroused, make the best of it. Never feel shy about discussing your needs.
College goer Dev Singh narrates, "My peer group always discussed the size and structure of their penis. And then they would be boasting about it. Friends give a lot of attention to all these things and ended up feeling a loser in the group. In fact I was quite ashamed to discuss it with anyone until my dad found about it and took me to task. S Actually it was him who cleared a lot of myths that I had about size and penis."
Fact : " This is the most prevalent myth. Men have always had inhibitions about their penile size. A bigger size does not guarantee multiple orgasms. The average penis size during erection is between five to six inches and that is enough for pleasure for both the partners. Also pleasure can arise from other parts of the body too. In fact men are of the belief that it their size only that matters," says Trivedi. "Understand that the body comprises of various organs which can give equal pleasure if not more. So do not concentrate all your energy on your penis," he adds.
Beat it: Don't get so hung about numbers. Enjoy yourself in bed with your partner. Stimulate yourself and be in the moment. Don't give in to peer pressure or follow others advises about what to do when you fail to satisfy your partner. Sex is about letting yourself be involved with every kind of feeling.
Myth# 8: Penises without foreskin better for orgasm
"I have heard about it but never verified it with anyone. But anyways, I do not believe in such kind of rumours. I think we have given something by nature and should be completely satisfied by it. No amount of surgery or anything else will help you feel more or less pleasure. Whatever is there, just make the most of it," explains Ravi Rao, a manager with a MNC.
Fact: Tiwari explains that men experience maximum stimulation without or without the foreskin. "The foreskin however does contain a rich variety of receptors and nerve ends than any other part of the penis. That is the reason that men circumscribed feel unjustly deprived of their full sexual potential. Do not go by beliefs and culture. Sex is a very personal experience and the brain is functioned to experience it to the hilt," explains Tiwari.
Beat it: Follow your own rhythm and routine. If you are comfortable in a certain kind of posture, go for it. Do not let your inhibitions or rumours get the better of you. Practice yoga, meditation and a hygienic lifestyle to look and feel better.
